I have found that I can get usable (but worse than sooc and RT) results for dark photos with lamps if I don't use filmic rgb, no haze removal (that one really destroys the look of lamps!) and set highlight reconstruction to "reconstruct in LCh" with the highest possible threshold.
Actually, the lamps' glow look best without any highligh reconstruction, if it wasn't for the magenta color at the actual light source. Using "reconstruct in LCh" it makes the halos/glow sharper and uglier, but at least the brightest parts are actually white and not magenta or grayish, which tend to happen with plain "clip highlights" and "reconstruct color".
With Filmic RGB, it "reconstructs" the bright light sources to something that is darker than the white glow around it, as if it limits the reconstruction to 90% white instead of 100%. It's either that or magenta.
I think the only reason I can make dark pictures with lamps look better in Rawtherapee is simply that RT clips the lamps at full white while DT clips with grey or magenta. Other than that, I can get better results in Darktable in every way. I feel that this is possible in Darktable also, I just need to figure out why it happens.